Thread: Has Your Wife or Significant Other Done This Yet?

Originally Posted by JLStorm

oh she did mention I could spread out my stuff in the closet but it has to go in shoe boxes...still seems dumb to me...stupid shoe boxes....

Of course this was all before she found out I bought another razor...I might have to renegotiate in the morning....

Its a really nice razor though! (of course she doesnt understand any of this...its like trying to explain how to set the time on a vcr)

Easy ,by her some new shoes,and you keep the box
KIND REGARS PETER

Originally Posted by bg42

Easy ,by her some new shoes,and you keep the box
KIND REGARS PETER

I dont want the stupid box lol!!!

Someone mentioned some stackable tupperware type drawers that would work for me...Im going to check that out....she loves tupperware lol

Here's another idea.

go to a used furniture store and get a small chest of drawers with 3 or more drawers in it. Refinish it if you have to. That's something that can be done in a few hours over a couple days on a weekend. then line the drawers with padding and keep your stuff in that. You can find stuff small enough to fit in closets if needed. I've got several that fit that description. They cost me about 8 to 12 bucks each after materials and stains.

This will work out well if you're in an apartment or rented place that doesn't allow you to drill holes in the wall to mount the nice wooden cabinets that I'd have as my first preference .

P.S. there's no way you're an alpha here . You've alread posted to many cuddly posts that prove you otherwise dude

Originally Posted by FUD

P.S. there's no way you're an alpha here . You've alread posted to many cuddly posts that prove you otherwise dude

foiled again!!!

Originally Posted by dennisthemenace

JL; You've found a woman who hardly ever spends anything on herself? KEEP HER!! You've found a gem! My wife of 23 yrs is much the same way. I am still amazed to have found a woman even cheaper than myself! Her major shopping is done at the Savation Army or Goodwill stores, or a super discounted sale. Bank accounts here are joint and she handles the bill paying, shopping & etc. I guess my major advice to you is to settle on a fixed allowance for personal spending. I have $10 per week to cover personal stuff (not clothing or essentials); so if I want a new razor or knife or smoking pipe, hat, etc. I have to save up the $10 a week till I can pay for it. This has made me very disciplined and careful about my purchases, and I find I really appreciate what I do get.

"I wear the pants in my family; but my wife beats me with the belt."

- Edward G. Robinson in film ALL MY SONS

My wife is exactly the same goes to the opp shop to buys clothes,that used to really get up my nose ,now after twenty years I don't care. I few years ago I gave her $1000 to spend on her self you know buy something new ,twelve months later she still had the doe.
As far as wearing the pants in the family,I wear the pants ,I just get told which ones to put on every morning
Kind regards Peter

Relationships are tricky things. One of the keys to my successful relationship (which may or may not have anything whatsoever to do with anyone else) is that my fiancee is my best friend and we don't play power games. I'm technically the "boss" of the house but that doesn't mean I'm a dictator. What it means is I'm the one with the lion's share of the responsibility, it's my responsibility to make sure the family is taken care of. That means I allocate resources, I allocate finances as well as responsibility.

She has responsibility for a lot of things in the house. The things she is good at (and they are pretty numerous) she has responsibility for, but that also doesn't mean I dump things in her lap and never help out. We both cook. We both clean. We both tidy up the place when it's cluttered, if something needs fixed and she knows how she fixes it if she notices it and I do the same. We *talk* constantly. We never walk by something and think "oh, that's *HER/HIS* job to fix" because it's all *OUR* job. If it's a particular area where she has primary responsibility I defer to her and never try to second guess her, although I will voice an opinion. She does the same for me.

We have a partnership, not a competition or a power struggle. Neither of us is caught up in being "in charge" and we also don't play the "my money your money" game because that in itself leads to a lot of hurt feelings in my experience. We have a joint checking account, joint bills, and we spend money responsibly. If we want to spend a larger chunk of money we talk about it. We also do the allowance thing, because neither of you should have to account to the other one for every penny although you DO need to both be responsible.

Roxane is my best friend. I respect her. I respect her opinions and her viewpoints. She does the same in return. She's not just some hooker I hired by the hour to keep my bed warm and I'm not just some loser she keeps around to open pickle jars and kill spiders. She is a person with her own needs, fears, ambitions and struggles and if I expect her to honor and respect me I have to be worthy of it, as well as honoring and respecting *her* too.

It's very important to not cede power and make the other person totally in charge. A relationship is a partnership, not a solo affair. She's my partner, my spouse... not my mother. I don't let her talk down to me and she doesn't let me talk down to her. Neither of us tries to "power grab" (that was the downfall of my first marriage, I just didn't stand up and grow a sack and my powerhungry ex-wife did everything she could to run me into the ground, then lost all respect for me). You have to be a man, but being a man doesn't mean being a bully. It means being respectful, kind, gentle and forgiving but it also means being firm, strong and consistent.

While it's important to stand up for yourself, it's also important to not get all snippy about "by God I'll do what I want when I want". Marriage isn't about being "separate but equal". It's not about "my stuff and your stuff" or "my money and your money". I forget who wrote it in this thread, but whoever pointed out that it's a team effort is dead on. You're playing zone defense here and you're doing it as a TEAM. You can say what you want about "by God I'll do whatever the hell I choose" and we'll make jokes about socks and hand lotion but the simple fact of the matter is that to be a man, in a successful relationship, means to be part of a TEAM. It means to be flexible, firm and unselfish and sometimes it means putting the sanctity of the TEAM above your own wants and needs. That's not "giving in" or "selling out", it's being a man and taking care of your family and nurturing a healthy relationship.

-- Gary F.

Originally Posted by gfoster

Relationships are tricky things. One of the keys to my successful relationship (which may or may not have anything whatsoever to do with anyone else) is that my fiancee is my best friend and we don't play power games. I'm technically the "boss" of the house but that doesn't mean I'm a dictator. What it means is I'm the one with the lion's share of the responsibility, it's my responsibility to make sure the family is taken care of. That means I allocate resources, I allocate finances as well as responsibility.

She has responsibility for a lot of things in the house. The things she is good at (and they are pretty numerous) she has responsibility for, but that also doesn't mean I dump things in her lap and never help out. We both cook. We both clean. We both tidy up the place when it's cluttered, if something needs fixed and she knows how she fixes it if she notices it and I do the same. We *talk* constantly. We never walk by something and think "oh, that's *HER/HIS* job to fix" because it's all *OUR* job. If it's a particular area where she has primary responsibility I defer to her and never try to second guess her, although I will voice an opinion. She does the same for me.

We have a partnership, not a competition or a power struggle. Neither of us is caught up in being "in charge" and we also don't play the "my money your money" game because that in itself leads to a lot of hurt feelings in my experience. We have a joint checking account, joint bills, and we spend money responsibly. If we want to spend a larger chunk of money we talk about it. We also do the allowance thing, because neither of you should have to account to the other one for every penny although you DO need to both be responsible.

Roxane is my best friend. I respect her. I respect her opinions and her viewpoints. She does the same in return. She's not just some hooker I hired by the hour to keep my bed warm and I'm not just some loser she keeps around to open pickle jars and kill spiders. She is a person with her own needs, fears, ambitions and struggles and if I expect her to honor and respect me I have to be worthy of it, as well as honoring and respecting *her* too.

It's very important to not cede power and make the other person totally in charge. A relationship is a partnership, not a solo affair. She's my partner, my spouse... not my mother. I don't let her talk down to me and she doesn't let me talk down to her. Neither of us tries to "power grab" (that was the downfall of my first marriage, I just didn't stand up and grow a sack and my powerhungry ex-wife did everything she could to run me into the ground, then lost all respect for me). You have to be a man, but being a man doesn't mean being a bully. It means being respectful, kind, gentle and forgiving but it also means being firm, strong and consistent.

While it's important to stand up for yourself, it's also important to not get all snippy about "by God I'll do what I want when I want". Marriage isn't about being "separate but equal". It's not about "my stuff and your stuff" or "my money and your money". I forget who wrote it in this thread, but whoever pointed out that it's a team effort is dead on. You're playing zone defense here and you're doing it as a TEAM. You can say what you want about "by God I'll do whatever the hell I choose" and we'll make jokes about socks and hand lotion but the simple fact of the matter is that to be a man, in a successful relationship, means to be part of a TEAM. It means to be flexible, firm and unselfish and sometimes it means putting the sanctity of the TEAM above your own wants and needs. That's not "giving in" or "selling out", it's being a man and taking care of your family and nurturing a healthy relationship.

-- Gary F.

Thank you.

Josh:
I think what you 2 need is a BUDGET what is galling her isnt so much the razors as much as she feels like you 2 are not on the same page. Her goal right now is to have the security of being out of debt. She feels like you are compromising that. She is also a saver where you are a spender. This can lead to serious serious marital problems including divorce if not dealt with.
From many of your posts it also sounds like there are some issues with her security at this point. As the one that wars the pants you are the one with the responsiblity, not to put your foot down and tell her how it is, but to take the responsibility to find out why she is feeling insecure and fix it.
The easy part is the money, what you 2 need to do is sit down and develop a written budget, so much for housing, so much for bills, eating out, savings, debt reduction etc, and then each of you gets an "allowance" each person should get the same amount and the rule is that they can spend it on whatever they want as long as it is not a neccessity. They can spend it on toys, they can spend it on pampering, they can use it as toilet paper. the point is that each person gets some money that they can do with what they want.
I could go on an on about this topic, if you want some more informatino Pm me. I have some tools and some references you may find helpful.

she just gota job today with a $14,000 raise...maybe that will help ease tensions a bit. At least she will have a job she likes finally!

In reading all the posts here I can tell you that everyone is right. I don't think I read any bad advice here at all.

As for myself I've been married 29 years and my secret to a long happy marriage is the following formula: A marriage is a partnership with equal responsibilities for both so there is no boss, At the same time both parties have to have their space and reasonable freedom meaning friends or hobbies, You have to have a financial plan that the both of you will respect and in that plan both of you have to have your own funds to do with what you like. The amount will depend on you income level but any purchase over a certain amount should require mutual consent, and finally and most importantly always have respect for each other and remember a woman is an emotional creature more so than we are so always be there for her and be a good listener and be ready to give her emotional support, and as has been said pick you battles very wisely.

That and 4 eggs, two cups of flour and a cup of sugar and bake in a 400 degree over for thirty minutes and you'll have a happy and long marriage!