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Thread: Clean jokes

  1. #11
    Senior Member blabbermouth tintin's Avatar
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    here's another of my favorites,
    You all know who Ghandi was right? He was a spiritual leader who spent most of the time walking around barefoot which made his feet hard and calloused. He also fasted often which made him week and caused bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

  2. #12
    The Great & Powerful Oz onimaru55's Avatar
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    A neutron walks into a bar & asks "how much for a beer ?"
    Barman replies " For you, no charge."


    You thought this post would be funny ?
    Attached Images Attached Images  
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    “The white gleam of swords, not the black ink of books, clears doubts and uncertainties and bleak outlooks.”

  3. #13
    Senior Member bongo's Avatar
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    Q : Where do watermelons go for holidays ?
    A : John Cougars melon-camp !!
    http://straightrazorplace.com/workshop/18504-welcome-workshop-how-do-i-where-do-i-what-do-i-answers-here.html

  4. #14
    Sharp as a spoon. ReardenSteel's Avatar
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    Maybe this is borderline, but here it goes...

    What did the ghost say to the bee?

    Boo bee!
    Jimbo, Geezer, Hirlau and 1 others like this.
    Why doesn't the taco truck drive around the neighborhood selling tacos & margaritas???

  5. #15
    illegitimum non carborundum Utopian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thebigspendur View Post
    The OP said clean jokes not ancient history stuff. The last time I heard some of these I think it was Henny Youngman who told them and he's been dead for 20 years.

    Har har.
    Take my wife,

    Please!

  6. #16
    illegitimum non carborundum Utopian's Avatar
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    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

    It was dead.

    OK, so why did the chicken fall out of the tree?

    It was stapled to the monkey!

    (There is something very very wrong with me because I cannot keep a straight face when I tell that poor excuse for a joke.)

  7. #17
    Senior Member blabbermouth Chevhead's Avatar
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    A Shetland pony walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says excuse me. The Shetland pony says I would like a drink. The bartender says you have to speak up, I can't hear you! The Shetland pony says "Sorry, I'm a little horse."

    A termite walks into a bar and asks "is the bar tender here? "

    What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
    Where's my tractor?

    What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elephino. (Elll if I know)
    Jimbo, charlie762 and Hirlau like this.

    Ed

  8. #18
    illegitimum non carborundum Utopian's Avatar
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    Technically this is not a joke but a true story told to me by a former co-worker. (Disclaimer, I think I wrote this once before in the forum.)

    The day a father learned he had to change his ways...

    Rick was working on his car in the garage one day when his young daughter came in and asked if she could help. He said "sure, honey."

    She bent down, picked up a wrench, tapped a hubcap with it three times, threw it to the concrete floor, yelled "Son of a B#TCH," and stomped back out of the garage!

  9. #19
    Senior Member blabbermouth Geezer's Avatar
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    I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
    Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
    - Oscar Wilde

  10. #20
    Sharp as a spoon. ReardenSteel's Avatar
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    Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do.
    Jimbo and Chevhead like this.
    Why doesn't the taco truck drive around the neighborhood selling tacos & margaritas???

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