Thread: Clean jokes

here's another of my favorites,
You all know who Ghandi was right? He was a spiritual leader who spent most of the time walking around barefoot which made his feet hard and calloused. He also fasted often which made him week and caused bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

A neutron walks into a bar & asks "how much for a beer ?"
Barman replies " For you, no charge."


You thought this post would be funny ?

Q : Where do watermelons go for holidays ?
A : John Cougars melon-camp !!

Maybe this is borderline, but here it goes...

What did the ghost say to the bee?

Boo bee!

Originally Posted by thebigspendur

The OP said clean jokes not ancient history stuff. The last time I heard some of these I think it was Henny Youngman who told them and he's been dead for 20 years.

Har har.

Take my wife,

Please!

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

It was dead.

OK, so why did the chicken fall out of the tree?

It was stapled to the monkey!

(There is something very very wrong with me because I cannot keep a straight face when I tell that poor excuse for a joke.)

A Shetland pony walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says excuse me. The Shetland pony says I would like a drink. The bartender says you have to speak up, I can't hear you! The Shetland pony says "Sorry, I'm a little horse."

A termite walks into a bar and asks "is the bar tender here? "

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Where's my tractor?

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elephino. (Elll if I know)

Technically this is not a joke but a true story told to me by a former co-worker. (Disclaimer, I think I wrote this once before in the forum.)

The day a father learned he had to change his ways...

Rick was working on his car in the garage one day when his young daughter came in and asked if she could help. He said "sure, honey."

She bent down, picked up a wrench, tapped a hubcap with it three times, threw it to the concrete floor, yelled "Son of a B#TCH," and stomped back out of the garage!

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do.