Thread: Problems? Ask Aunty Jimbo.

My Dear Readers!

I apologise for my absence this past 24 hours. The CWA were in desperate need of scones, pikelets, jam sponge cakes and Aunty Jimbo's famous bay rum fruit cake for a charity fete this weekend. Those poor Aussie Olympians need our support, what with so many TV advertisements and interviews to do nowadays - the poor poppets just don't have enough time to train anymore to bring home those Gold medals, especially in the pool. So we ladies at the CWA put our heads together and decided to hold the inaugural "Olympic Golden Showers" fete! If you are in the vicinity, do please support it!

Now, without further ado, on to today's questions!

"Postal" in Dunnedoo writes:

Originally Posted by Wullie

Is it possible to mail a menu with food stamps?

Dear "Postal",

What constitutes legal tender when it comes to the postal service depends on the country you are in and the regulations thereto pertaining. Certainly, Her Royal Majesty's postal service frowns on the use of anything but recognised postage stamps, as dear Uncle Jimbo (God rest his fetid soul) once found out to his peril when he tried to post a box of chokos to his cousin in Perth by stapling a yoyo and a picture of the 1971 Playmate of the year to the box in lieu of a stamp. In his defense, just the price of the yoyo itself more than covered the postage cost, but the local Postmaster took a rather dim view of the matter, and it was only by a speedy and lengthy intervention on my behalf that dear Uncle Jimbo did not spend time at Her Majesty's pleasure.


"Mystified" in Tijuana writes:

Originally Posted by jaswarb

Dear Aunty Jimbo,

Why can't you get good pastrami outside of NYC?

Why did my best friend of 42 years have to die before me?

When will Santa bring me the bike he promised when I was 7?

Where are the flying cars....they promised us flying cars?

You can get good pastrami outside of NYC, you are just not looking hard enough!

God, in his infinite wisdom, often takes those we love back to his loving embrace before we are ready. I recall feeling a similar way when He called dear Uncle Jimbo back to the fold. Those of us that are left are left for a reason and the trick is to discover what that reason is. Once we know what it is, we do honour to the memory of our dearly departeds by doing it with all the vigour and love of two!

That was not Santa who promised you that bike. I am sorry to say that many pseudo-santas exist in this world, and none of them are reliable!

I think we have enough problems with normal cars. Let's leave flying cars for when the human races evolves just a little further.

"Eye Spy" in Toombul writes:

Originally Posted by mapleleafalumnus

Dear Aunty Jimbo --
Should mirrored contact lenses be worn indoors?

Silly boy!! Contact lenses should be worn in your eyes, not in doors!

"Dead Cat" in Versailles writes:

Originally Posted by sharptonn

............ Where is Auntie Jimbo with the answers? Inquiring minds need to know!

Curiosity as to Aunty Jimbo's whereabouts could be the beginning of a rather fatal disease. Best not to get too curious...

"Slanderer" in Washington writes:

Originally Posted by IamSt8ght

I think auntie jimbo sobered up . . . or is
sleeping it off.

Apart from a small nip of cooking sherry, Aunty Jimbo is teetotal and has been since that nasty incident with the Australian cricket team on tour in the West Indies in 1978. She had never before, or since, had so many balls flying at her face while drunk and the experience turned her off alcohol for life.

Aunty Jimbo.

Originally Posted by sharptonn

OK! " If my name's not Bruce, Mate, A dead dog in me! Time to head ashore to the ute! Nothin but empty Foster's cans in the bottom of the boat!" Criminy!!

Mind if we call you Bruce ?

I'm still wondering about the oil...

Originally Posted by onimaru55

Mind if we call you Bruce ?

Well. if it makes a difference.....OK........but ONLY for this thread and ONLY if I am an honorary Aussie? Otherwise, no Bruce..........


Tom

I smell a set-up...

Originally Posted by mapleleafalumnus

I smell a set-up...

No, One must go through Aunty Jimbo to gain the golden-showered documents to prove you are legal!
Otherwise, you might be deported!

Dear Auntie Jimbo I have two curious questions !)What is SPAM made from? I love the stuff and all my Veggie friends are always on my case about how bad SPAM is, 2) I love Marmite but all my Stralie friends are always tellin me Vegemite is better...is there really a difference ? Signed .....Food Bullied in Denver P.S. I bet youy make the best scones in the whole world Auntie Jimbo xoxo !

Dear Aunty Jimbo --
Why is it that in American baseball they throw a round ball at you, and they tell you to hit it square?

Dear Auntie Jimbo,

I have a quandary. I was out in the garage tonight working on my Opel and am wondering...

If I drive faster than the speed of light and turn my headlights on what will happen?

I'm, In the dark.

Originally Posted by 32t

Dear Auntie Jimbo,

I have a quandary. I was out in the garage tonight working on my Opel and am wondering...

If I drive faster than the speed of light and turn my headlights on what will happen?

I'm, In the dark.

I thought only Deloreans could go that fast