Thread: Clean jokes

....

The Geography of a Woman as she ages:
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa.
Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe.
Well developed and open to trade, especially
for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain.
Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece.
Gently ageing but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain.
With a glorious and all-conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel.
Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice,
and takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada.
Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet.
Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 100, a man is like North Korea and Russia.
Ruled by a pair of nuts!

Originally Posted by celticcrusader

The Geography of a Woman as she ages:
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa.
Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe.
Well developed and open to trade, especially
for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain.
Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece.
Gently ageing but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain.
With a glorious and all-conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel.
Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice,
and takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada.
Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet.
Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 100, a man is like North Korea and Russia.
Ruled by a pair of nuts!

No, actually between 1-75 or so a man is ruled by the "little head". After that he wises up and becomes a free thinker.

Originally Posted by thebigspendur

No, actually between 1-75 or so a man is ruled by the "little head". After that he wises up and becomes a free thinker.

I agree but would drop the 75 a bit.............

I was talking to a young guy in his 20s that worked for me years ago when I was still in my mid-late thirties. I mentioned how when I was younger I thought that 30 was old and that Iight as well go jump in the grave. To this he shook his head in agreement like,."Yeah. And?"

I replied that it is actually serendipitous because there is only one thing you can think of in your youth to which he conceded. I told him, "It's not that you don't still think about that. It's just that you can now also think about something else." This was still foreign to him. I told him not to worry. In time he would understand.

How much does a Mohel charge for circumcisions?
.
.
.
.
Nothing. He works on tips.

Originally Posted by celticcrusader

...

There once was a Red Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone'.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,'
If anyone calls me 'Onestone' again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called him that anymore.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.'
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.
He made love to her all the next day until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that 'Onestone' meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.
She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, 'Onestone'.....
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day,
I made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
Why ???
OH, come on... Take a guess !!!
Think about it !!!
You're going to love this !!!
Everyone knows..
You can't kill Two Birds
With
One stone.

That was a good one.