Thread: Quip Of The Day

Two bulls are standing on a hilltop overlooking a pasture with dozens of cows grazing . . .
"Lets run down to that pasture and have our way with one of them cows", says the young bull.
"Hell, lets WALK down and have our way with ALL of them." says the older bull.

If at first you don't succeed . . . then skydiving isn't for you.

Originally Posted by WW243

“It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.” Jack Handy

I love Jack Handy's "Deep Thoughts", things like..

“I hope that after I die, people will say of me: ‘That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'”

and

"The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face."


Thanks for reminding me.


rs,
Tack

Originally Posted by WW243

"You might think that the favorite plant of the porcupine is the cactus...
But it's thinking like that that has almost ruined this country." Jack Handy

many of us retain water, so is our favorite place the swimmin' pool?

Originally Posted by Orville

Two bulls are standing on a hilltop overlooking a pasture with dozens of cows grazing . . .
"Lets run down to that pasture and have our way with one of them cows", says the young bull.
"Hell, lets WALK down and have our way with ALL of them." says the older bull.

Reminded me of this one...

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years and the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt. So he buys a new cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard. Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he's a little worried about being replaced. He walks up to the new bird.
"So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself."
Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy.
"You're on," he said, "and since I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy!"
So the two roosters go over to the henhouse to start the race with all the hens gathering to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the old rooster on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead.
After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little -- but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately, the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young fella. By now the farmer has heard the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun and runs into the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the henhouse, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away.
"Damn. That's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."

Knowledge, is knowing that a Tomato is a Fruit

Wisdom, is knowing not to put it in a Fruit Salad

Originally Posted by Orville

Two bulls are standing on a hilltop overlooking a pasture with dozens of cows grazing . . .
"Lets run down to that pasture and have our way with one of them cows", says the young bull.
"Hell, lets WALK down and have our way with ALL of them." says the older bull.

Once we had 200+ mostly white faced ewes, one old black faced buck and 5 white faced bucks. 2/3rds of the lambs that year were born black faced.....

Thinking of Snuser the old black faced buck brings back fond memories. On a farm you shouldn't let your animals become pets. He was a pet and that is the only reason that he was around. My dad would carry his Snus can in his breast pocket and Snuser would hit his pocket with his nose to push it out to get a lick from the can. He was kept around until he died. He died jumping the fence uphill one to many times. Getting old and stiff he didn't do a good job clearing the fence and rolled backwards down to the fence on his back. Sheep can't live laying on their back.

Originally Posted by gssixgun

Knowledge, is knowing that a Tomato is a Fruit
Wisdom, is knowing not to put it in a Fruit Salad

Wisdom is to know that a fruit does not date a tomato!

~Richard

Originally Posted by Geezer

Wisdom is to know that a fruit does not date a tomato!

~Richard

and fortune cookie say : man no fish other man hole with not protection

Originally Posted by gssixgun

Knowledge, is knowing that a Tomato is a Fruit

Wisdom, is knowing not to put it in a Fruit Salad

Or eat it off a pewter plate.