Thread: Quip Of The Day

I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend...
If you have one.
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill...

followed by Churchill's response:

Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second,
if there is one.

-- Winston Churchill

Seen on a computer back when:
Air conditioned environment -- do not open Windows.

~Richard

"First things first -- but not necessarily in that order." (Doctor Who)
~Richard

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him.. wait for it.. a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.



rs,
Tack

Originally Posted by Tack

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him.. wait for it.. a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.



rs,
Tack

Ow! Ow! Ow! I love it!!!

Isaac Asimov was the master of many humorous and hard hitting comments
""There are limits beyond which your folly will not carry you. I am glad of that. In fact, I am relieved.""

Doctor Susan Calvin in "Robot Dreams" in Robot Dreams (1986)

The History of the LIght Bulb

When Thomas Edison invented the lightbulb, he had trouble selling it. People just didn't trust this "new" way of making light. In order to promote his idea he decided to go around the country installing lights in different towns in order to drum up publicity. While in Oklahoma, Edison stopped by an Indian reservation and offered to put lights in any building they wanted. After much thought the Indian chief decided that he wanted lights in his outhouse, so he could see what he was doing at night. This made him the first man to wire a head for a reservation!
-- Thanks to Jim Speirs

“Heaters are for Pussies.”

On a beautiful warm, Southern California summer day, a buddy of mine drove past a used car lot in 1965.

He was 18 years old driving the beater pick up his dad had given him, an old farm truck long past its prime. He had spied a sleek, low, wire wheeled sports car, a 1953 MG TD.

The cigar smoking, plaid coated salesman straight out of Central Casting strutted from the trailer office. He showed the car to the kid and ticked off the benefits of the drop head coupe… it was a convertible and girls loved convertibles.

“Where’s the widow cranks?”

“Windows? This is a sports car man, there’s no windows… you got side curtains … if you need them, but look at this weather”, he said holding his arms out stretched, as if the Weather was included in the purchase.

“Radio? Is there a radio?”

“No radio, it a convertible. You can’t hear the radio anyway, it’s a convertible, kid.”

Oh… Heater? Where’s the heater.”

Heater? Heaters are for pussies. You’re not a pussy, are you?

“Well, no, no sir.”

That night he pleaded, begged and promised his father, until he agreed to the purchase.

The following winter turned out to be the wettest and coldest on record. He cursed the salesman every time he sat on the cold wet leather seat, frigid cold air blasting his head and any skin not covered by gloves and heavy wet coat.

“Heaters are for pussies”, he repeated to himself, visions of the salesman in his tiny office, electric heater cranked high, sipping from a steaming mug of hot coffee, a smile on his face.

An anthropology grad student discovered a remote tribe of very tiny people, only 6 inches tall, known as the Putz. Knowing that nobody would believe him otherwise, he decided to capture some of them and bring them home. So he put several of them in a shoe box and brought them back to the US.

When he got the building where he was to meet with his professor, he decided that the Putz needed some fresh air and sun (after being cooped up in a shoe box for several days) so he left them on the steps to bask in the sun. Wouldn't you know, shortly after he went in, there was a fire in the building, and the alarms went off. All the people came stomping out of the building and smashed all the Putz. Moral: Don't bask all your Putz in one exit.

-- Thanks to Grieg Olson

~Richard

Those who want to accomplish something will find a way. Those who do not will find an excuse............

Have fun