Thread: Clean jokes

A cannibal passed his friend in the woods...

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Originally Posted by tintin

How to catch a polar bear:

1. chop a hole in the ice
2. sprinkle peas around the hole (fresh or frozen will work)
3. when the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!

Why do I have this felling it won't end good for the kicker ?

For Veterans Day--
A fighter pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?"
“No,” he replies, “I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”
The pilot says, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”
The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.”
The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”
The fighter pilot smirks, taps his watch and says, “Darn thing’s an hour fast.”

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer earlier.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

I'm into fitness. Fitness pizza into my mouth all at once.

Originally Posted by charlie762

I'm into fitness. Fitness pizza into my mouth all at once.

Nothing like getting 'fit' in a gym. Raviolis and a Nap!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0q6Gc23ZtPA

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night.
Should've used aloha setting.

Pizza after John Pinette seems appropriate!

Wish they'd kept my job open at the mattress factory then I'd have had something to fall back on.