Thread: Clean jokes

Did you hear about the T-rex that was arrested for firearms sales? He was a small arms dealer.

An apprentice carpenter was being watched by his supervisor while he was attempting to nail some boards overhead. He was struggling with again and again having to straighten a nail and then pound it flush.

The supervisor walked over and said; "Son those must be deep sea nails" to which the apprentice said "Why"? The supervisor said "Because they've got the 'Bends'.

Optimist: The glass is half full.

Pessimist: The glass is half empty.

Mother: Why didn’t you use a coaster!

Henry sat down in the barber's chair....

"I'll have a shave and a shoe shine"
The barber began to lather his face, while a woman with the most beautiful face and figure that he had ever seen knelt beside him and began to shine his shoes.

Henry said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."
She replied, "I'm married, and my husband wouldn't like that."
The man said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."
She said, "You tell him; you're closer."

That was great Harold!

........

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

Why did the man take a hammer to bed with him?


He wanted to hit the sack.

What did the Elephant say to the man?

How the heck do you breath through that little thing?

Originally Posted by DZEC

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

Sending to my Dad and Brother.