Thread: Clean jokes

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer... and a mop.

A pessimist, an optimist, and an engineer are sitting at a table when a waitress puts an 8oz glass on the table with 4oz of water in it.

Pessimist: that glass is half empty
Optimist: that glass is half full
Engineer: you're both idiots. That glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc. A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground and measure it easily. When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the length!"

I’m an admitted math nerd so don’t encourage me by liking this joke or you may see way more of these than you want.

This one came from an internet collection at https://www.math.utah.edu/~cherk/mathjokes.html

I warned you, but Geezer “liked” the last one, so ...

The computer scientist entered the shower and started to shampoo his hair following the instructions on the shampoo bottle, “lather, rinse, repeat”. The police found him dead in the shower the next morning.

He did it again. Last one for today.


Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.

One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.''

Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections.''

The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''

https://jcdverha.home.xs4all.nl/scijokes/6.html

Originally Posted by DZEC

I warned you, but Geezer “liked” the last one, so ...

The computer scientist entered the shower and started to shampoo his hair following the instructions on the shampoo bottle, “lather, rinse, repeat”. The police found him dead in the shower the next morning.

I've worked with these folks most of my career . . Now I can laugh!!!
Richard

I know the feeling, Richard. Being a mechanic most my life.
The engineer designs it, the mechanic makes it work.!

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”
The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”

https://www.engineering.com/Designer...ing-Jokes.aspx

From the same source at https://www.engineering.com/Designer...ing-Jokes.aspx

I heard that there was an explosion at the Charmin toilet paper factory; there were no deaths but a lot of soft tissue damage.