Thread: Quip Of The Day

Originally Posted by HNSB

A man who pulls his own tooth has a fool for a dentist.

(I think I'll need an oral surgeon now)

Yikes! You're supposed to give us a giggle, not the heebie jeebies!



rs,
Tack

"I've started the new whiskey diet.... so far I have lost 3 days!"

that boy is about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt!

Why Id rather take on a grizzly bear at night with a hickory switch, naked than go home and face that - woman

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches up to the counter and says, "Hi...You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The guy says, "Aw, come on now, you're BS'n me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well.. you started it."



rs,
Tack

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator ..."

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

A Preacher, Priest & Rabbi are all out fishing in a boat. Coffee is all gone and the preacher announces he has to relieve himself. He stands up steps out of the boat and walks to the lake shore and returns the same way. The priest announces the same intentions and repeats the same routine all the while the Rabbi is watching. Upon the Priest return the Rabbi stands up & steps out of the boat - Plunk - down he goes.
The preacher turns to the priest and says – Should we tell him where the rocks are at?

"After that heaven sent one my mind is quippled!"
~Richard

I have a feeling that if we don't get back to the quips,,,we're gonna get quipped,,,,